1 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,742 Clark Griswold. I'm trading my wife's old car in. 2 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,411 [CHUCKLES] 3 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,913 Say goodbye to the old gas-guzzler, Russ. 4 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,623 See you later. 5 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,333 Pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty? 6 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,378 -What's that, Dad? -Picking up the new car. 7 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,339 Yeah, you can't wait, can you? 8 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,758 -Hi there, Ed. -Good to see you, Mr. Griswold. 9 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:59,219 -How're you doing? Ruben, right? -Rusty. 10 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,263 -Okay. -Look at him. He can't wait. 11 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,140 So did you bring your trade-in? 12 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,059 Yeah, a guy just took it away a couple of seconds ago. 13 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,644 -Let's get to it, then. -Okay. 14 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,522 We were afraid the new one wouldn't come in yet. 15 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:14,151 On our way to California. The big vacation, the whole family, Walley World. 16 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,612 -Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde. -Clark. 17 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,239 Well, there she is. 18 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,449 Where? 19 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,367 Right here. The wagon. 20 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,078 Dad, this is not the car you ordered. 21 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:29,333 Take it easy, Rusty. Ed, this is not the car l ordered. 22 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,629 I distinctly ordered the Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon... 23 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:36,298 ...with the CB and the optional Rally fun pack. 24 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,259 You didn't order the Metallic Pea? 25 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:43,138 Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue. 26 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,642 The Sportswagon. This isn't even the right model. 27 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,311 I think you're right. I don't think this is the car. 28 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,480 This is the new Wagonqueen Family Truckster. 29 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:55,150 This is a damn fine automobile, if you want my honest opinion. 30 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,152 Beats the hell out of the Sportswagon. 31 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,987 But l want to make you happy. 32 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,364 Davenport. 33 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:02,282 I'll get to the bottom of this. 34 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,742 DAVENPORT: Yes, Mr. Ed? 35 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,912 Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon. Where is it? 36 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,956 I don't know, sir. 37 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,044 I know what must have happened. 38 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:15,796 It didn't come in. 39 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:21,510 Ed, l'm not your ordinary, everyday fool. Okay? 40 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,930 Now, l'd like my Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon right now. 41 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,684 If you can't get it for me, I'm gonna take my business elsewhere. 42 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,102 Where's my old car? 43 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,733 I'm just as upset as you are. Believe me. 44 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,527 Davenport. 45 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:42,114 Get Mr. Griswold's car back. Bring it back here. 46 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,748 I can get you the wagon, no problem. The problem is, it might take six weeks. 47 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,710 I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold... 48 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,546 ...if you're thinking of taking the tribe cross-country... 49 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,840 ...this is the automobile you should be using. 50 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,009 The Wagonqueen Family Truckster. 51 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,845 You think you hate it now, but wait until you drive it. 52 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,432 I don't want to drive it. I just want my old car back, okay? 53 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:12,728 I'm not falling for this bit. No way. Let's go, Russ. 54 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,989 [CAR ENGlNE RATTLlNG] 55 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,220 Clark, is that the right car? 56 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,432 No, it isn't, honey. l changed my mind. 57 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,393 They flattened our old car like a pancake. 58 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:56,813 Are you serious? Is this really our car, Dad? 59 00:05:56,981 --> 00:06:00,067 What happened? I thought we were gonna get the little Sports thing. 60 00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,819 Oh, no. The Sportswagon's much too small. 61 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,113 Besides, l got a great deal on this one. 62 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,909 Let me tell you, if we're taking the whole tribe across country... 63 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,661 ...believe me, this is your automobile. 64 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:12,954 [RATTLING CONTINUES] 65 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,748 Why is it still running? 66 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,416 Oh, all new cars do that. 67 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,043 I'll take care of that in a second. 68 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,878 [CHUCKLES] 69 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,758 You may think you hate it now, honey, but wait until you drive it. 70 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,470 Whoa! An air bag. 71 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,890 You know, Clark, it's not too late to fly out to California. 72 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,308 We only have two weeks. 73 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,478 Let's not get into that again, sweetie pie. Please? 74 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:40,524 Lots of families fly, Clark. Especially cross-country. 75 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:44,653 The whole idea of a family vacation is to spend time together as a family. 76 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,239 You get on an airplane, you put on your earphones... 77 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,574 ...and you're lost in your own world. 78 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,952 It's an awfully long ride, Clark. 79 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,329 I'm looking forward to an awfully long ride. 80 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:58,959 You get to see the kids all the time. I see them two minutes in the morning... 81 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,546 ...two minutes in the evening. Maybe three hours on the weekend. 82 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:06,758 Sheesh. One of these days l'm gonna get up and realize that my little babies... 83 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,969 ...are all grown up. And then what? 84 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,140 I just thought it might be easier to fly. 85 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:16,518 Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen. 86 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,687 We know that. 87 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,980 Kids? 88 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,231 [VIDEOGAME PLAYlNG OVER TV] 89 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,108 Who wants to see the triptych? 90 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,860 What? Dad, we're playing. 91 00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:28,864 Okay, shut off the video games. Come on, Russ. Shut it off. 92 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,242 I know you'll enjoy this. I worked out the trip on the computer... 93 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,287 ...so we get the maximum amount of fun time at Walley World... 94 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,248 ...without missing any of the good stuff along the way. 95 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,958 Here we go. There's us. 96 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,543 And there's Walley World. 97 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,297 let's just take a look at Day One. Shall we? 98 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,175 Honey, come on in. We're gonna do Day One. 99 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,051 [BEEPlNG] 100 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,725 Okay, now there's the Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. 101 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,436 [VIDEO GAME BEEPlNG] 102 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,191 CLARK: Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. 103 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:09,362 Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work this out here on the computer. Please. 104 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,868 Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey. That's just great. 105 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,829 RUSTY: Look out, Dad, here l come. 106 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,581 CLARK: All right, that's enough, Russ. 107 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,791 Okay. Now, I think we're moving towards-- 108 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,919 Thank you. Good shot, Audrey. 109 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,630 Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying? 110 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:30,592 Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that. 111 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,514 I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air. 112 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,308 Locked the door, notified the police, stopped the papers. 113 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,893 I called to get the grass cut. 114 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,604 Did I put the timers on the living-room lights? 115 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,606 Oh, and don't forget the mail. 116 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,275 -Watch that elbow. Keep your arm straight. -Bye! 117 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,027 [ALL CHATTERING] 118 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,362 -Bye! CLARK: So long. 119 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,908 MAN 1 : Drive careful now, Clark. MAN 2: Watch out for the lndians, Clark. 120 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,285 Watch those freeways. 121 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,787 Oh, goodbye. 122 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,747 ELLEN: Oh, l know I've forgotten something. 123 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,124 CLARK: Walley World, here we come. 124 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:04,626 [ENGINE STARTS] 125 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,138 CLARK & ELLEN [SINGlNG]: Mockingbird, tell me 126 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,267 -Everybody have you heard? -Have you heard? 127 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:24,646 -He's gonna buy me a mockingbird -He's gonna buy me a mockingbird 128 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,733 -And if that mockingbird don't sing -And if that mockingbird don't sing 129 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:32,946 -He's gonna buy me a diamond ring -He's gonna buy me a diamond ring 130 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,367 -And if that diamond ring don't shine -lf that diamond ring don't shine 131 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:41,413 -He's gonna surely break this heart of mine -lt's gonna break this heart of mine 132 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:46,167 -And that's why I keep on singin' in your ear -And that's why, yes indeed, oh, yes indeed 133 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:49,212 Yay, yay, whoa-oh-oh 134 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,673 CLARK: Come on, kids. -We don't know any of your songs. 135 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,843 -Dad, is that made-up? It sounds made-up. CLARK: Okay, I got one. 136 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:59,347 How about The Walley World National Anthem? Huh? 137 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,641 -Okay, okay, you start. -Ahem. 138 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:05,437 ALL [SlNGlNG]: Who's the moosiest moose we know? 139 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,771 Marty Moose 140 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:10,317 Who's the star of our favorite show? Marty Moose 141 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:13,778 "M" is for merry we're merry, you see 142 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,490 "O" is for oh, gosh Oh, golly, oh gee 143 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:21,119 "S" is for super-swell family glee 144 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:25,081 "E" is for everything you want to be 145 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:29,085 M-A-R-T-Y 146 00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:32,964 M-O-O-S-E 147 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,424 What's that spell? 148 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,093 Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose 149 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,386 Yuck! 150 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,721 That's me. 151 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,723 [IMITATES MOOSE LAUGH] 152 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,100 CARL: All right. That's more like it. 153 00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:45,477 Here's one you don't know. 154 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,730 We used to sing it when you were kids. You're gonna like this. Ah.... 155 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,815 BOTH [SINGlNG]: Jimmy crack corn and l don't care 156 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,984 Jimmy crack corn and l don't care 157 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,903 Jimmy crack corn 158 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,174 [SINGlNG] Swing low 159 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,594 Sweet chariot 160 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,472 Comin' for to carry me home 161 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,433 Swing low, chariot 162 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,186 I looked over Jordan and what did l see 163 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,355 Comin' for to carry me home 164 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,273 Band of angels comin' 165 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,025 What smells in here, honey? 166 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,028 Russ. Russ. Your feet. 167 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,963 Clark, isn't this the gas tank? 168 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,506 Yes, l know, honey. 169 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:42,635 Get in the car. I'm just fixing the license plate here. 170 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,225 CLARK: Hey, see that, kids? 171 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:52,520 That's the St. Louis Arch. The Gateway to the West. 172 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:56,441 It's over 600-feet tall, and there's an elevator all the way to the top. 173 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,443 That's 60 stories to you and me. 174 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,780 RUSTY: Wow, Dad, can we go up on it? CLARK: No. 175 00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,615 Dad, what river is this? 176 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,534 That's the Mississippi. The mighty Mississip. 177 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,786 [CHUCKLES] 178 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,790 The Old Miss. The Old Man. 179 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,627 [SINGlNG lN DEEP VOICE] Deep river 180 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:21,049 My home is over Jordan 181 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,676 ELLEN: Clark, l think this is the wrong exit. 182 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,888 CLARK: What's the difference, as long as we get across the river? 183 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,106 [SIREN WAILlNG lN DlSTANCE] 184 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,442 Clark? What are you doing? 185 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,403 -Just relax, Ellen. -This is so dangerous. 186 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:45,365 We have no business being in an area like this. 187 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,741 Well, look at it this way. 188 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,077 This is a part of America we never get to see. 189 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,246 -That's good. -No, that's bad. 190 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,666 I mean, we can't close our eyes to the plight of the cities. 191 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,377 Kids, you noticing all this plight? 192 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,255 This will just make us appreciate what we have. 193 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,923 [GUNSHOT THEN WOMAN SCREAMS] 194 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,424 Roll them up. 195 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,434 I'd better ask these fellas how to get back on the expressway. 196 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,480 Pardon me. 197 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:20,942 I wonder if you could tell me how to get back on the expressway? 198 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,112 -Fuck your mama. -Thank you very much. 199 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,202 MAN 1 : Hey, Darnell, check out this Truckster. 200 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,662 MAN 2: It's a Truckster. 201 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,789 With a luggage rack. 202 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:40,879 CLARK: Hey, excuse me, homes? Heh-heh. Aha. 203 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,215 What it is, bro. We're from out of town. 204 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,425 MAN 3: No shit? 205 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,553 I'd really appreciate it if you could give me directions... 206 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,513 ...back onto the expressway. 207 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,474 -What? For free? -Sure. 208 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,560 Five dollars. 209 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,397 -l'm not gonna give you $5 for directions. -l think that's fair, Clark. 210 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,610 Okay. Here's $1 0. 211 00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,653 Thank you. 212 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,697 [METALLlC CLANGlNG] 213 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,907 Keep the change. 214 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,327 Okay. Now, you see which way you're pointing, right? 215 00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:13,995 -Yeah. -Yeah, okay, that's good. 216 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,580 Because, you see that place? 217 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,958 -Yeah. -Uh-huh. You see where it say, "Rib Tips"? 218 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,335 -Rib Tips. -Mm-hm. Fuck that. 219 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,295 You don't want to go that way. 220 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,422 I wonder if these guys know the Commodores. 221 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,091 You gonna go all the way down about half a block... 222 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,844 ...and you'll see a Torino with no wheels on it. 223 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,931 Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie. 224 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,350 You tell him that you're my boy, and you're lost. 225 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,518 He'll make sure you get where you're going. 226 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,605 You don't want to know from me. This ain't my neighborhood. 227 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,483 I'm from the west side of Chicago, here on vacation. 228 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,194 CLARK: Thanks a lot. You've been a great help. 229 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,827 -Honey? -Hmm. 230 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,665 This reminds me of the time in college... 231 00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:01,709 ...when we drove down to Fort Lauderdale in my Austin-Healy. 232 00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:05,380 I haven't thought about that for a long time. 233 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,800 Remember what we did in the car? 234 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,178 It's amazing we didn't get in an accident. 235 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,972 Want to relive a fond memory? 236 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,015 Are you serious? 237 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,434 -No. -Why not? 238 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,145 Because, that's why. 239 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:23,398 The kids are asleep. 240 00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:27,819 Let's just wait until we get to a motel. 241 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:34,409 Okay, we'll wait. I gotta find the best one on the road. 242 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,744 Do you want to put your head in my lap? 243 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,913 That's not what l was thinking. 244 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,459 The wheel. Let me get this. 245 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,170 There you go, move it out of your way. 246 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,964 Comfy? 247 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,426 Clark? 248 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,095 Clark, my head's stuck. 249 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,183 Clark, quit kidding around. lt hurts. 250 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,810 It's stuck. 251 00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:03,646 Cut it out. 252 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,900 I know what you're trying to do, and l think it's sick. 253 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,654 The wheel's stuck. 254 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,074 That was a dirty trick. 255 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,909 The damn wheel is all screwed up. 256 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,537 You're tired. You get weird when you get tired. 257 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:23,708 Let's just find a motel. I don't want you dozing off. 258 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,627 I'm not tired. Are you kidding? 259 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,630 I could go another 1 00 miles. Come on. 260 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,632 No problem. 261 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,163 [SNORING] 262 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,801 [MAN MUTTERING] 263 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,929 [HORN HONKlNG] 264 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,099 [SNORING] 265 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,694 [DOG YELPS] 266 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,405 [HORN HONKS] 267 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:44,413 Sparky, why don't you turn off the TV and come to bed? 268 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,667 Okay, honey. 269 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,212 [SCREAMS] 270 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,772 Well, up and at them. We're here. 271 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,420 Oh! 272 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,297 [IMITATES "PSYCHO" THEME] 273 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,257 Clark. 274 00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:39,594 -Can l do your back, honey? -l've already done my back. 275 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,137 Can l do your front? 276 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,097 Go do your own front. 277 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,439 You know Clark, maybe we should call Catherine and Eddie... 278 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:55,401 ...and tell them that we won't be in until tomorrow afternoon. 279 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,986 Afternoon? 280 00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,823 If we're not there by 1 0:00 a.m., it's gonna throw the schedule completely off. 281 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,950 I planned everything very carefully... 282 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:06,621 ...so we'd be at Walley World first thing Saturday morning. 283 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:11,083 Sparky, l know how much this trip means to you... 284 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:14,420 ...and that you want all of us to have a great time... 285 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,298 ...but it's a long way to Walley World. 286 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:22,053 And l think it'd be easier on all of us if you'd just try to relax. 287 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,599 I'm way ahead of you, honey. 288 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:34,649 [CHUCKLES] Oh. 289 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,484 When did you get these? 290 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,153 I have my little secrets. 291 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,617 -What a nice thought. -Mm. 292 00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,581 [GlGGLES] 293 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,541 Don't drink yet. 294 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,335 [CLEARS THROAT] 295 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,342 Ready for this? 296 00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,011 [BED RATTLlNG] 297 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:12,186 Ahh.... I'd like to propose a toast, if l may. 298 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:16,023 Here's to a very restful vacation. 299 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,152 Here's to a very relaxing vacation... 300 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,905 ...a renewed love affair... 301 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,952 ...and a time ofjoy with our babies. 302 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,121 [BED SQUEAKING & RATTLlNG lNTENSlFYlNG] 303 00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,749 You know, honey, l never told you this. 304 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:36,168 I know it's been a rough beginning. 305 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,379 I think there's something wrong here. 306 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:41,173 It's the bed. lt will slow up in a second. 307 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:45,303 I got it. Hold on to this. Enjoy it. 308 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:48,973 -Clark, what are you doing? -Let's try this, my darling. 309 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,225 Aha. 310 00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,602 Now we're talking. 311 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,397 We haven't done this for a long time. 312 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,690 [CLARK CHUCKLES] 313 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,191 [ELLEN MOANS] 314 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:02,069 ELLEN: Oh. Clark. 315 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,447 -What's that noise? -What's going on? 316 00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:08,326 Hey. Don't you kids knock anymore? 317 00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,370 Sorry, we thought you were fighting or something. 318 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,831 Nobody is fighting in here. 319 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:15,583 [RATTLING & SQUEAKING STOPS] 320 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,126 It's very late. 321 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,627 RUSTY: Where is Mom? 322 00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:20,546 ELLEN: I'm under here, kids. 323 00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,757 Go back to bed. 324 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,259 Go back to bed, now. Rusty. 325 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,011 The bed was very soft. 326 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,472 Weird-o-rama. 327 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:31,265 Really. 328 00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:37,146 CLARK: This is the street Wyatt Earp used to keep law and order on. 329 00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,732 ELLEN: It seems kind of dirty and touristy. 330 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,109 CLARK: Oh, Ellen, the Old West was dirty. 331 00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:44,945 Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home... 332 00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,114 ...there'd be no reason for leaving. Right? 333 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,949 RUSTY: Oh, yeah, Dad. This is great. 334 00:22:49,117 --> 00:22:53,037 -You know, l'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii. CLARK: l'll bet you are. 335 00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:59,335 Okay. Kids! 336 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:02,296 Let's go get a drink. What do you say? Here you go, champ. 337 00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:03,964 [CHUCKLES] 338 00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,384 Well. 339 00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:11,013 Howdy, city slickers. 340 00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:14,725 Welcome to the Long Branch. No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging. 341 00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:18,813 Watch what you say to our bartender. He's an ornery cuss. 342 00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:20,815 -Thank you, Sheriff. -Marshal. 343 00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,483 CLARK: Oh. Sorry. 344 00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:23,901 It's no sweat. 345 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,986 Give me five, partner. 346 00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,785 That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp. He's wearing jogging shoes. 347 00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,412 They used to, Rusty. 348 00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:38,040 Hey, knucklehead. Set us up with four redeyes, will you? 349 00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:41,836 Hey, yellow-belly. l'm talking to you. 350 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,673 [CHUCKLES] 351 00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:48,676 Hey, tenderfoot. Move your chicken wings, turkey. 352 00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,761 [LAUGHlNG] 353 00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:57,059 Clark. That's not nice. 354 00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,770 It's all part of the act, hon. 355 00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:01,313 Hey, underpants. 356 00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:03,107 Hey, yellow-- 357 00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,860 ELLEN: Clark! 358 00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:08,320 I'm okay. I'm okay. 359 00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:09,822 I'm all right. 360 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,198 [LAUGHS] 361 00:24:11,366 --> 00:24:15,953 I don't think that's very funny. A noise like that could impair the kids' hearing. 362 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,997 Oh, come on. 363 00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:21,500 It was real. lt looked real, didn't it? Hell, I thought it was a real gun. 364 00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:23,711 Didn't it look real when l fell down, hon? 365 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,754 -What? -Didn't it look real, sweetie? 366 00:24:25,922 --> 00:24:28,424 -What? -Are you happy now, Clark? 367 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:30,759 -She's deaf. -What's the difference? 368 00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:33,554 It was fun anyway. Let's have a drink. What do you say? 369 00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,055 Pardon me, sir? 370 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,980 Catherine said we just stay on 50. 371 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,774 Well, l was thinking about shooting over to 54... 372 00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:48,110 -...and zipping down to Liberal. -What for? 373 00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:50,362 -The House of Mud. -What's the House of Mud? 374 00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:54,116 It's only the largest freestanding mud dwelling ever built, that's all. 375 00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:57,495 You see, kids, the pioneers didn't have bricks, so they used mud. 376 00:24:57,662 --> 00:25:00,247 They didn't use mud, they used sod, Dad. 377 00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:03,334 Right, Audrey, and when they ran out of sod, they used mud. 378 00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,712 Clark, let's just skip the House of Mud. 379 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,507 I think Dodge City was enough for one day. 380 00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:13,302 Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us. 381 00:25:14,137 --> 00:25:15,721 It's living history, Ellen. 382 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,307 But if you'd rather see your cousins... 383 00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:19,683 ...it's okay by me. 384 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,561 Personally, I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie. 385 00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:25,439 -Knock it off. ELLEN: What's going on? 386 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,900 Rusty is licking his hand and touching me with it. 387 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,277 Clark, tell Rusty to behave himself. 388 00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:32,071 Rusty, behave yourself. 389 00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:35,449 Audrey's eating peanut butter and smiling with it all over her teeth. 390 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,701 Audrey, eat with your mouth closed. 391 00:25:37,869 --> 00:25:41,622 -No eating in the car, kids. -You suck, you know that? 392 00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:45,084 -Retard. -l am trying to concentrate on the road. 393 00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:58,180 RUSTY: What did you say? 394 00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,515 [ELLEN TALKlNG INDISTINCTLY] 395 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,310 ELLEN: Stop it, both of you. Just give me the peanut butter. 396 00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:11,402 AUDREY: He started it! ELLEN: I don't care who started it! 397 00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,529 [KIDS & ELLEN ARGUlNG] 398 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:15,030 ELLEN: I don't care who started it. 399 00:26:15,198 --> 00:26:18,117 I don't want to hear another word out of either one of you. 400 00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:30,671 Clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour. 401 00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,674 -Doesn't seem like it, does it? -Slow down. 402 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:37,344 I don't know why. We're making good time. 403 00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:43,350 [SINGlNG] Love for sale 404 00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:45,811 Appetizing, yummy love for sale 405 00:27:01,369 --> 00:27:02,745 [DOG BARKlNG] 406 00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:05,122 CATHERlNE: Oh, they're here. Eddie, come on. 407 00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:08,208 Oh, l can't believe it. lt's been an age! 408 00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:10,961 ELLEN: I never thought we'd get out here, you look great! 409 00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:14,298 -Eddie, get down here. -Eddie, you look terrific. 410 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,884 -Ellen, how are you? -l never thought you'd get here. 411 00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,761 ELLEN: Good to see you. 412 00:27:18,928 --> 00:27:22,431 Come and meet your second cousins. Look how they've grown. 413 00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:24,933 And you have lost weight, Catherine. 414 00:27:25,101 --> 00:27:27,770 Yeah, added a few more mouths to the litter. 415 00:27:27,937 --> 00:27:29,104 [CLARK & EDDIE CHUCKLING] 416 00:27:29,272 --> 00:27:33,400 Let's see. Rusty and Audrey, cousins Vicki and Dale. 417 00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:38,072 -Hi. -And this is Eddie Junior and this is Junior. 418 00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:41,075 And this little moppet on my skirts is Daisy-Mabel. 419 00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:43,494 Well. How old are you, little one? 420 00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:46,914 -She was born without a tongue, Clark. CLARK: Ooh. 421 00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:50,250 But don't worry about her. She whistles like a bird and eats like a horse. 422 00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:51,919 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 423 00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:55,047 Take your little guests out back and show them your worm farm. 424 00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:57,925 Go on, scoot. Ellen, come in the house. 425 00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:01,929 -l've got so much to tell you. -Look at the flowers. l love them. 426 00:28:04,265 --> 00:28:06,892 Oh, boy. Look at that car. 427 00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:09,186 Yeah, that's the Family Truckster. 428 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:13,107 Boy, she's a beaut. I like those green walls. 429 00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:16,110 We had some trouble in St. Louis. 430 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:20,406 So you're looking really... 431 00:28:20,573 --> 00:28:22,074 ...fit. 432 00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:25,452 This is the old homestead, huh? 433 00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:27,538 [SIGHS] 434 00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:31,583 Yeah, l don't know for how long, though. 435 00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:35,129 The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast. 436 00:28:35,296 --> 00:28:37,756 Yeah. l know the feeling. 437 00:28:38,758 --> 00:28:40,342 Fuck it. 438 00:28:45,306 --> 00:28:47,808 -l bet you could use a cool one, huh? -Now you're talking. 439 00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:49,977 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 440 00:28:58,820 --> 00:29:02,239 I'm going steady. And l French kiss. 441 00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:07,286 -So? Everyone does that. -Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it. 442 00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:12,791 Want a worm? 443 00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:14,835 No, thanks. 444 00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:17,546 Hey, you got Pac-Man? 445 00:29:18,506 --> 00:29:19,590 No. 446 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:22,009 You got Space lnvaders? 447 00:29:22,510 --> 00:29:23,969 Nope. 448 00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:27,765 -You got Asteroids? -No, but my dad does. 449 00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:30,768 He can't even sit on the toilet some days. 450 00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:35,773 So, what do you do here, Dale? 451 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:37,357 Well... 452 00:29:38,359 --> 00:29:40,569 ...l got a stack of nudie books this high. 453 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:45,157 Oh, she's beautiful. 454 00:29:48,536 --> 00:29:53,707 -Would you sell me any of them? -Shit, no. l cherish these things. 455 00:29:55,084 --> 00:29:56,627 I use them a lot. 456 00:29:58,963 --> 00:30:00,464 How do you use a magazine? 457 00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,383 I was getting to that. 458 00:30:03,551 --> 00:30:07,763 A guy taught me something really neat last year. 459 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:10,224 Did you ever bop your baloney? 460 00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,271 [HUMMlNG] 461 00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:19,817 I guess we're 1 1 , aren't we? 462 00:30:19,984 --> 00:30:24,571 -No, we're 12 with Aunt Edna. -Aunt Edna? She's still alive? 463 00:30:24,739 --> 00:30:26,198 Oh, you bet. 464 00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:30,160 I can't wait to see the look on Clark's face when he hears that. 465 00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:33,580 Well, she came to help out when Eddie ruptured his spleen... 466 00:30:33,748 --> 00:30:36,083 ...and she's been with us ever since. 467 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,710 She wanted to go back to Phoenix a year ago... 468 00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:40,879 ...but Eddie wouldn't let her. 469 00:30:41,881 --> 00:30:46,301 Frankly, without her Social Security, we'd never be able to live like this. 470 00:30:48,429 --> 00:30:51,974 Gee, Cath, it looks like you've really got your hands full. 471 00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:54,977 Oh, it's not so bad. 472 00:30:55,144 --> 00:30:58,689 Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs. 473 00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:05,279 How do you like yours, Clark? 474 00:31:05,446 --> 00:31:07,739 Oh, medium-rare, a little pink inside. 475 00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:10,242 No, your bun. Light or dark? 476 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:13,120 Oh. Either way, it doesn't matter. 477 00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:17,833 Vicki, can l help you with that Kool-Aid? Please? 478 00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:20,127 EDDlE: Mm-mm-mm. 479 00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:25,090 I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. lt does just fine by itself. 480 00:31:25,258 --> 00:31:29,052 I like it better than Tuna Helper myself. Don't you, Clark? 481 00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:32,097 You're the gourmet around here, Ed. Heh. 482 00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,437 No meat in this? 483 00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:42,441 You get plenty of meat at home. Be polite. Have some ketchup. 484 00:31:47,113 --> 00:31:48,822 Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? 485 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:51,158 Nothing but the best. 486 00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:52,367 [CHUCKLES] 487 00:31:52,535 --> 00:31:55,746 Aunt Edna. Helper's getting cold. 488 00:31:57,498 --> 00:31:59,541 Is that your Aunt Edna? 489 00:32:07,675 --> 00:32:12,888 ELLEN: Aunt Edna. After all these years. You're looking so good. 490 00:32:16,976 --> 00:32:19,603 CLARK: Hi, Edna. Nice to see you again. 491 00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:22,898 You remember Clark, don't you? 492 00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:28,362 You were the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. 493 00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:31,073 It made me so sick. 494 00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:34,952 I'm sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake. 495 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:37,704 You enjoy throwing up every five minutes, Claude? 496 00:32:37,872 --> 00:32:41,041 -Clark. -l thought so. 497 00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:45,504 Well, am I going to eat or am l gonna starve to death? 498 00:32:48,716 --> 00:32:50,050 Catherine. 499 00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:53,845 Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news? 500 00:32:54,013 --> 00:32:56,431 No. I was just about to. 501 00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:58,642 Catherine, what's the good news? 502 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:02,145 You're driving me to Phoenix. 503 00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:08,527 [POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADlO] 504 00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:16,368 Junior Pig Competition? 505 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:18,578 You won this for raising a pig? 506 00:33:18,746 --> 00:33:21,331 Yeah. First Place. 507 00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:24,292 Does anybody know about it? 508 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:25,711 Everybody knows. 509 00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:32,259 Vicki, don't get offended, but being a farmer is not too cool, you know. 510 00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:35,887 Oh, yeah? 511 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:40,017 Well, how cool... 512 00:33:40,184 --> 00:33:41,893 ...is this? 513 00:33:48,943 --> 00:33:53,238 I'm real glad that things are going good for you, Clark. 514 00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:57,034 Mm-hm. Tsk. 515 00:33:57,201 --> 00:34:02,789 I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory. Ahem. 516 00:34:02,957 --> 00:34:04,666 And now, wouldn't you know it... 517 00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,918 ...the Army cut my disability pension... 518 00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:12,090 ...because they said the plate in my head wasn't big enough. Shoo. 519 00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:18,722 Eddie, Clark and Ellen don't want to hear about our troubles. 520 00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:20,348 No, no. It's very interesting. 521 00:34:20,516 --> 00:34:23,560 Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? 522 00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:25,562 He sure as hell can't take a hint. 523 00:34:26,355 --> 00:34:30,525 Well, l didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but.... 524 00:34:30,693 --> 00:34:34,404 Could you, maybe, spare a little extra cash? 525 00:34:34,572 --> 00:34:36,615 Sure, Eddie. 526 00:34:36,824 --> 00:34:38,283 [CHUCKLES] 527 00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,621 How much do you need? 528 00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,790 About $52,000. 529 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,420 Goodbye, baby. 530 00:34:50,588 --> 00:34:52,422 And you'll send those checks? 531 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:54,716 -All taken care of. -Okay. 532 00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:58,345 -Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna. -Lay off, lay off. 533 00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:01,348 Well, gotta be going. 534 00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:04,017 -What's this? -This is for you, Clark. 535 00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:05,936 Oh, what is it? 536 00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:09,523 -Gift. -You didn't have to buy me a gift, Eddie. 537 00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:10,982 Oh, go on, open it. 538 00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:12,526 Oh. 539 00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,780 Oh, Eddie, you shouldn't have. 540 00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,699 -You really shouldn't have. RUSTY: Those are great, Dad. 541 00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:22,410 -Quiet down, Russ. EDDlE: Try them on. 542 00:35:22,578 --> 00:35:24,246 No, I don't want to get them dirty. 543 00:35:24,413 --> 00:35:26,540 I told you he wouldn't like them, Eddie. 544 00:35:27,625 --> 00:35:29,292 CLARK: l love them. -l knew you did... 545 00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:33,046 ...because the last time l saw you you remarked about how much you liked mine. 546 00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:36,466 -Well, l guess we'd better be going. -Yeah. 547 00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:38,051 -Whew. -Ha-ha. 548 00:35:38,219 --> 00:35:39,302 -Bye, Eddie. -Bye, Ellen. 549 00:35:39,470 --> 00:35:42,848 -Bye, Clark. lt's was great having you here. -Goodbye. Thank you. Okay. 550 00:35:43,808 --> 00:35:46,434 Here he is, Uncle Clark, all walked and evetything. 551 00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:48,103 What is this? A dog? 552 00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:51,523 He's Aunt Edna's. His name is Dinky. He watches Family Feud. 553 00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:54,568 Oh. Hi, how are you, little fellow? 554 00:35:54,735 --> 00:35:56,069 [GROWLS THEN BARKS] 555 00:35:56,237 --> 00:35:57,737 Easy. 556 00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:01,616 Yeah. You folks didn't get to meet Dinky last night. 557 00:36:01,784 --> 00:36:04,035 He had the shits, so he slept in the barn. 558 00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:08,248 Ah. Well, great. Better make some space for him in the back. Come on. 559 00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:09,416 [GROWLlNG] 560 00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:12,544 Ow! No. No. Sit, sit. Roll over. Come on, heel. 561 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:16,256 -Here. Have a good trip. -Thanks, Vic. 562 00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,884 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 563 00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:27,392 CATHERlNE: Bye! Bye, kids, bye, Aunt Edna. Bye-bye! 564 00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:46,703 Look at these sandwiches. Here, Aunt Edna. 565 00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,455 EDNA: Thank you. 566 00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:50,123 Audrey. 567 00:36:51,083 --> 00:36:54,127 Oh, Rusty, stop playing with the dog and come and have some lunch. 568 00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:56,296 [DOG GROWLlNG] 569 00:36:59,842 --> 00:37:01,384 Oh, Clark, look. 570 00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:04,638 Your favorite, baloney and cheese. 571 00:37:07,516 --> 00:37:09,768 And what should l have? 572 00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:13,939 Maybe some fruit or something like that. 573 00:38:18,421 --> 00:38:20,588 Mom, my sandwich is all wet. 574 00:38:20,756 --> 00:38:22,632 Well, they're all wet. 575 00:38:23,467 --> 00:38:27,846 Oh, God. The dog went on the picnic basket. 576 00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:28,948 Russ, look. 577 00:39:29,116 --> 00:39:31,785 Excellent. They have a pool. 578 00:39:32,703 --> 00:39:35,288 Aren't the woods beautiful? 579 00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:39,292 Clark. Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath. 580 00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:42,087 Rusty, take care of Dinkums. 581 00:39:42,254 --> 00:39:45,298 -Dad, he bites. CLARK: Bite him back. 582 00:39:55,976 --> 00:39:57,977 [RlNGlNG] 583 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:06,694 -We'd like three tents for the night, please. -All right. That'll be $37. 584 00:40:06,862 --> 00:40:08,988 Thirty-seven dollars for three tents? 585 00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:10,490 Oh, they're very nice tents. 586 00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:13,993 And that price includes scenery and wildlife fun. 587 00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:18,331 Oh, come on, Clark. It seems like a nice place. 588 00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:21,209 It's got a pool and everything. 589 00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,962 -All right. -Here you go. 590 00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,714 -Fill out that. CLARK: Mm-hm. 591 00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:33,972 Clark W. Griswold. You want my street? 592 00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:35,181 Please. 593 00:40:35,349 --> 00:40:38,435 -What do you need my address for? -We like to send out a mailer. 594 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,524 AUDREY: I can't wait to get in. RUSTY: Me, too. 595 00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:46,359 Get our bathing-- 596 00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:49,154 Ugh. 597 00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:52,115 That's disgusting. 598 00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,455 Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh? 599 00:41:00,708 --> 00:41:04,461 Ooh. Clark, this tent smells. 600 00:41:05,212 --> 00:41:06,504 Edna, this is your tent. 601 00:41:06,672 --> 00:41:08,673 [FLlES BUZZING] 602 00:41:24,565 --> 00:41:25,899 [COUGHlNG] 603 00:41:26,066 --> 00:41:28,067 ELLEN: Sp-- Sparky. 604 00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:31,404 -This isn't very romantic. -lsn't it? 605 00:41:31,572 --> 00:41:36,451 No, I don't think there's enough room for two in this sleeping bag. 606 00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:39,412 Honey, right now, we're one. 607 00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:43,625 -One heart beating for two. -Oh, Sparky. 608 00:41:43,792 --> 00:41:45,793 [GROWLlNG] 609 00:41:48,964 --> 00:41:51,508 Sparky, there's a wild animal. 610 00:41:51,675 --> 00:41:52,926 -Yeah. -No. 611 00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:56,137 -l know, l'm gonna go for it, honey. -Wild animal-- No. 612 00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:01,226 Ow! Get off. Down. Go. 613 00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:04,395 I'm sorry, honey. lt's Dinky. Get off! 614 00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:10,068 I'll kill that dog. 615 00:42:10,778 --> 00:42:11,986 [SIGHS] 616 00:42:12,154 --> 00:42:13,613 I'm sorry. 617 00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:16,199 [GRUNTS] 618 00:42:19,119 --> 00:42:20,370 Ah. 619 00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:23,623 What do you say, honey? Uhn! 620 00:42:23,791 --> 00:42:26,918 In spite of all the little problems, it really is fun, isn't it? 621 00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,419 No. 622 00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:31,965 But with every new day there's fresh hope. 623 00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:35,885 Hey, kids, let's go. 624 00:42:36,053 --> 00:42:38,137 We're losing daylight here. 625 00:42:38,764 --> 00:42:40,139 Hey, did you walk him? 626 00:42:40,307 --> 00:42:42,934 Yeah. He took a big one on Aunt Edna's blanket. 627 00:42:43,477 --> 00:42:45,770 -Good boy. EDNA: Help! 628 00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:48,231 Oh, boy. Go take care of Aunt Edna. I'll take the leash. 629 00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:49,983 [DOG GROWLS THEN BARKS] 630 00:42:50,776 --> 00:42:52,735 CLARK: Uh-oh, uh-oh. 631 00:42:52,903 --> 00:42:55,280 Roll over. Ow. 632 00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:57,574 Dinky. 633 00:42:57,992 --> 00:43:00,743 Ow! You're tearing my flesh! 634 00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:04,622 Good morning, Edna. Ah! No, Dinky. Sit. Roll over. 635 00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,834 Ah. Ah, ow! 636 00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:09,961 Audrey, you're next. 637 00:43:10,129 --> 00:43:11,921 -No way, José. -Hey, Audrey. 638 00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:13,298 [SNlFFS] 639 00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:14,507 What's the problem? 640 00:43:14,675 --> 00:43:18,469 Ma, l had to sit next to Aunt Edna last time. She smells like mothballs. 641 00:43:18,637 --> 00:43:19,762 Anyway, it's her turn. 642 00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:23,850 For your information, Rusty slept in his underpants last night. 643 00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,686 -Yeah, I did. -Hey, hey, hey! Easy, kids. Cut it out. 644 00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:30,440 Everybody in the car, boat leaves in two minutes. 645 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:34,277 Or perhaps, you don't want to see the second-largest ball of twine on earth. 646 00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:36,112 Which is only four short hours away. 647 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,905 [CHUCKLES] 648 00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:43,494 [RATTLING] 649 00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:45,538 Sweetie, do you hear that rattle? 650 00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,708 -Where is it coming from? -Beats the heck out of me. 651 00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:52,462 I've been looking for it ever since we left. It's driving me crazy. 652 00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:55,548 RUSTY: God, Dad, check it out behind you. 653 00:43:55,716 --> 00:43:57,592 Oh, shoot. Now what have we done? 654 00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:58,801 [SIREN WAILlNG] 655 00:43:58,969 --> 00:44:00,553 -Will you hold my purse? -Huh? 656 00:44:00,721 --> 00:44:02,889 Just hold my purse. 657 00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,063 [SIREN STOPS] 658 00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,911 Hello, officer. What's the problem? 659 00:44:27,581 --> 00:44:29,624 Get out of the car. 660 00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:38,341 I don't think l was speeding. Was I weaving? 661 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:40,510 Shut your mouth, sir. 662 00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:45,640 If l wasn't in uniform, l'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver... 663 00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:48,476 ...faster than you could say "police brutality." 664 00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:52,397 Well, officer, whatever it is I've done, I'm sure l can explain. 665 00:44:56,527 --> 00:44:58,986 Explain this, you son of a bitch. 666 00:44:59,154 --> 00:45:01,072 Oh, my God. 667 00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:06,619 Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state? 668 00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,371 No, sir, l don't. 669 00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:10,123 Well.... 670 00:45:10,791 --> 00:45:12,375 It's probably pretty stiff. 671 00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:15,837 You can't think I'd do this on purpose, sir. 672 00:45:16,004 --> 00:45:19,674 Look, l tied him to the rear bumper when l was packing the car. 673 00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:22,635 It was very confusing, l must've forgot. 674 00:45:23,929 --> 00:45:26,514 I'm very sorry. I feel terrible. 675 00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:29,600 How do you think that little dog feels? 676 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,937 [SHlVERS] 677 00:45:34,273 --> 00:45:38,025 Look, l told you l was sorry. It really was an accident. 678 00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:42,989 Yeah. l guess l can buy that, sir. 679 00:45:43,157 --> 00:45:45,116 But it is a shame. 680 00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,411 I had a pooch like this when I was a kid. 681 00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:52,248 [VOICE BREAKlNG] Poor little guy. 682 00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:55,334 He probably kept up with you for a mile or so. 683 00:45:56,628 --> 00:45:58,087 -Tough little mutt. -Tough. 684 00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,465 -Yeah. -Yeah. 685 00:46:08,390 --> 00:46:10,808 EDNA: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. 686 00:46:10,976 --> 00:46:14,687 You've been exceeding the speed limit for thousands of miles. 687 00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:17,690 Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot-- 688 00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:20,651 -He was speeding, Rusty. RUSTY: No, he wasn't, Mom. 689 00:46:20,819 --> 00:46:23,446 Russ! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. 690 00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:24,989 I was driving like a maniac. 691 00:46:25,157 --> 00:46:27,658 We can all be grateful to this man for stopping us. 692 00:46:27,826 --> 00:46:29,535 -You see, a car-- -Here's the leash. 693 00:46:29,703 --> 00:46:32,330 I'm going to get the rest of the carcass off the road. 694 00:46:32,498 --> 00:46:34,248 -Thank you, officer. -See you. 695 00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:36,000 Have a nice day. 696 00:46:36,752 --> 00:46:38,127 [EDNA WHIMPERING] 697 00:46:49,139 --> 00:46:51,849 EDNA: This your idea of a good restaurant? 698 00:46:52,017 --> 00:46:54,101 Dog killer. 699 00:46:54,269 --> 00:46:56,562 ELLEN: I'm sure the food is just fine. 700 00:46:56,730 --> 00:46:58,940 Uh-uh-uh. New car, I'll take it. 701 00:46:59,107 --> 00:47:00,441 WOMAN: Thank you. CLARK: Thank you. 702 00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:03,694 Oh, kids. Oh, kids. Mm-mm. 703 00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:07,782 Waitress. 704 00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:13,663 [SNORING] 705 00:48:00,586 --> 00:48:01,627 [HORN HONKlNG] 706 00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:11,971 [EXCLAlMS] 707 00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:19,645 What happened? 708 00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,357 What happened to your hair? 709 00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,234 You're sweating. 710 00:48:25,402 --> 00:48:28,487 -Are you blushing? -Don't be silly. 711 00:48:28,655 --> 00:48:30,156 Are you all right, Clark? 712 00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:32,533 Hell, yes. l'm fine. l'm having a ball. 713 00:48:37,623 --> 00:48:39,123 [SIGHS] 714 00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:42,168 Come on, honey, look at the mountains, breathe the air. 715 00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:43,878 [INHALES DEEPLY] 716 00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,171 [EXHALES] 717 00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:48,007 Put on a happy face for me. 718 00:48:52,554 --> 00:48:56,015 I guess there's not much more that can happen to us. 719 00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,643 I think the worst is behind us. 720 00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:01,437 [THUDDlNG] 721 00:49:07,069 --> 00:49:09,612 ELLEN: Clark, l need my vanity case. 722 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:11,864 We've got to go back and look for it. 723 00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,699 All my credit cards are in it. 724 00:49:13,867 --> 00:49:17,536 Honey, number one, l've already called the bank and told them you've lost them. 725 00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:21,040 B, there's no way we're gonna find it. We don't know where it fell off. 726 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:24,877 And three, I've got my credit cards and we've still got plenty of cash. Okay? 727 00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:27,797 No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie... 728 00:49:27,965 --> 00:49:31,550 ...and everything has cost twice as much as you figured out. 729 00:49:31,718 --> 00:49:34,261 There's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced. 730 00:49:34,429 --> 00:49:36,472 Except for your diaphragm. 731 00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,016 We can always cash a check down the road. 732 00:49:39,184 --> 00:49:40,768 Don't you trust me? 733 00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:44,563 As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper. 734 00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:49,068 That hurt, Ellen. 735 00:49:50,112 --> 00:49:53,406 ELLEN: Clark, l think we're lost. CLARK: We're not lost. 736 00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:55,574 Will you please let me do the driving? 737 00:49:55,742 --> 00:50:00,079 ELLEN: I honestly don't think you're gonna find the Grand Canyon on this road. 738 00:50:00,247 --> 00:50:02,873 CLARK: Jesus, it's only the biggest goddamn hole in the world. 739 00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:04,875 EDNA: Clark, watch your language. 740 00:50:05,043 --> 00:50:06,794 CLARK: Make that the second-biggest. 741 00:50:06,962 --> 00:50:09,755 Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour. 742 00:50:09,923 --> 00:50:12,675 Shut up, Audrey. You don't think Dad knows where he's going? 743 00:50:12,843 --> 00:50:15,094 -Thank you, Russ. -You're lost. 744 00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:19,932 -l saw some detour signs. CLARK: l didn't see any. 745 00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:23,352 I saw them when you and Mom were trying to fold the map. 746 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,731 When they close a road they put up big signs. Like this one. 747 00:50:26,898 --> 00:50:28,107 [ALL SCREAM] 748 00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:41,454 [TlRES BURST] 749 00:50:43,331 --> 00:50:45,958 [GROANING] 750 00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:52,089 -l think l broke my nose. -l stabbed my brain. 751 00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:54,800 I just got my period. 752 00:50:54,968 --> 00:50:57,094 I'd better check under the hood. 753 00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:12,109 ELLEN: Audrey, gather up the clothes and put them in a pile. 754 00:51:12,277 --> 00:51:15,571 Rusty, find the first-aid kit, then get the suitcases. 755 00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:17,740 Mom, where can I go to the bathroom? 756 00:51:18,492 --> 00:51:20,451 Find a bush, Audrey. 757 00:51:22,579 --> 00:51:25,372 RUSTY: Dad, you must've jumped this thing about 50 yards. 758 00:51:25,540 --> 00:51:28,542 CLARK: It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty. 759 00:51:29,002 --> 00:51:31,045 Fifty yards. Heh. 760 00:51:31,213 --> 00:51:35,341 EDNA: Ellen! Ellen, get me out of here. 761 00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:37,927 Stay in the car. It's hot and dangerous out here. 762 00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:41,263 Don't you tell me what to do. I'll do what I want. 763 00:51:41,431 --> 00:51:44,016 I should never have come on this trip with you. 764 00:51:44,184 --> 00:51:45,726 I should have taken an airplane. 765 00:51:45,894 --> 00:51:49,688 And he-- He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile. 766 00:51:49,856 --> 00:51:53,192 He should be behind bars. 767 00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,821 Sit down and shut up. 768 00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:06,497 Move out of that seat, and l'll split your lip. 769 00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:16,298 Rusty, come on up here. 770 00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:18,384 Hello, Russ. 771 00:52:18,552 --> 00:52:21,262 I'm gonna hike down the road to find a service station. 772 00:52:21,429 --> 00:52:24,723 I want you to stay here and take care of things. 773 00:52:24,891 --> 00:52:28,727 -You'll be okay, Dad? -Oh, sure, sure, sure. 774 00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:33,023 You know, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to you man to man, Russ. 775 00:52:33,191 --> 00:52:34,942 Well, l've only been a man a few days, Dad. 776 00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:37,570 [CHUCKLES] 777 00:52:37,737 --> 00:52:40,489 You're growing up so damn fast. 778 00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:42,992 I've spent the last 1 5 years of my life... 779 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,871 ...developing newer and better food additives. 780 00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,832 I guess I've missed an awful lot. 781 00:52:51,459 --> 00:52:54,211 At first, I didn't want to take this vacation. 782 00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:56,881 But now l'm glad I did. 783 00:52:57,048 --> 00:53:00,593 It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with you and.... 784 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,262 -Audrey. -Audrey. Yeah. 785 00:53:03,972 --> 00:53:05,181 [SIGHS] 786 00:53:05,348 --> 00:53:08,142 You know, it's been real fun for me, too, Dad. Really. 787 00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:10,477 Except for Aunt Edna. 788 00:53:10,645 --> 00:53:12,980 Oh, she doesn't mean to be a pain in the rump. 789 00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:14,940 It's just the way she is. 790 00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:18,360 -Let's not let it spoil our fun. -l won't. 791 00:53:18,528 --> 00:53:21,697 You know, maybe she'd be nicer if she had a family of her own. 792 00:53:21,865 --> 00:53:26,076 You know, instead of always having to glom onto someone else's. 793 00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:29,914 You're a pretty bright little guy. 794 00:53:30,081 --> 00:53:31,916 Excuse me. Man. 795 00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:33,459 [CHUCKLES] 796 00:53:34,252 --> 00:53:35,878 [SOBS] 797 00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:38,589 It's okay, Dad. 798 00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:42,051 You know what l wanna do? 799 00:53:44,137 --> 00:53:47,264 When I was your age, my dad shared a beer with me... 800 00:53:47,432 --> 00:53:49,892 ...and l thought it was the best thing in the world. 801 00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:56,941 Ahh.... 802 00:53:59,986 --> 00:54:01,153 [SIGHS] 803 00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:04,990 When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. 804 00:54:05,700 --> 00:54:08,035 And you know, in 1 8 years... 805 00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,120 ...we never had fun. 806 00:54:12,415 --> 00:54:14,083 But now l have my own family. 807 00:54:14,251 --> 00:54:15,668 And we're on our own vacation. 808 00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:18,462 -And you know something, Russ? -What, Dad? 809 00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:27,346 We're gonna have fun. 810 00:54:27,847 --> 00:54:28,889 [BURPS] 811 00:54:29,057 --> 00:54:34,061 Hey. Don't let your mother smell beer on your breath. She'll take it out on me. 812 00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:39,275 Well, l better get a move on if I want to get us out of here by dark. 813 00:54:41,736 --> 00:54:42,945 Good talk, son. 814 00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,863 Good talk, Dad. 815 00:54:45,532 --> 00:54:47,199 Clark? 816 00:54:52,205 --> 00:54:55,916 I just had a good talk with Rusty. You'll be in good hands here, honey. 817 00:54:57,585 --> 00:54:59,253 Where are you going? 818 00:54:59,421 --> 00:55:03,048 There's gotta be a phone or a gas station around here somewhere, honey. 819 00:55:04,009 --> 00:55:07,011 All right, but if you're not back in an hour.... 820 00:55:07,178 --> 00:55:10,180 I'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm sure this happens all the time. 821 00:55:10,348 --> 00:55:12,641 A patrol car will be by any minute. 822 00:55:13,852 --> 00:55:15,894 CLARK [SINGlNG]: Over the river and through the woods 823 00:55:16,062 --> 00:55:17,855 To Grandmother's house we go Ho! 824 00:55:18,773 --> 00:55:22,776 A thousand bottles of beer on the wall A thousand bottles of beer 825 00:55:24,612 --> 00:55:26,655 Four bottles of beer 826 00:55:26,823 --> 00:55:28,907 lf one of those bottles should happen to fall 827 00:55:29,075 --> 00:55:32,328 I love a parade 828 00:55:32,495 --> 00:55:36,457 The trampling of feet I love every beat l hear of a drum 829 00:55:36,624 --> 00:55:39,043 I love a parade 830 00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:40,252 [COUGHS] 831 00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:43,339 I hear a band I just wanna stand 832 00:55:48,887 --> 00:55:53,390 CLARK: We pass a goddamn gas station every 1 00 yards for 1 ,000 miles. 833 00:55:53,558 --> 00:55:56,602 But when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. 834 00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:59,271 This is no way to run a desert. 835 00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:02,483 Jesus. l'm gonna die. That's it! l'm dying. 836 00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:05,361 What an asshole. 837 00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,701 CLARK: Taxi. Taxi? Taxi! 838 00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:14,328 Dead. I'm dead. 839 00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:17,664 Taxi! Here boy. 840 00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:21,794 Heat. The heat. I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished. 841 00:56:22,545 --> 00:56:24,046 [GRUNTlNG] 842 00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:25,672 Hot. Hot. 843 00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:35,891 Hot wrist. 844 00:56:39,354 --> 00:56:41,355 [MUTTERING] 845 00:56:43,316 --> 00:56:45,484 Mom, Mommy? 846 00:56:47,862 --> 00:56:51,657 [SCREAMlNG] 847 00:56:53,952 --> 00:56:55,953 ELLEN: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight. 848 00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:58,372 All I know is the man was a saint with children... 849 00:56:58,540 --> 00:57:00,332 ...and a genius with food additives... 850 00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,501 ...and he was-- Clark! 851 00:57:02,669 --> 00:57:03,877 [IN HOARSE VOlCE] Ellen! 852 00:57:04,045 --> 00:57:05,796 [ELLEN SCREAMS] 853 00:57:05,964 --> 00:57:07,798 -l was so worried. -Russ. 854 00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:09,925 ELLEN: What are you doing? -Russ, Russ! 855 00:57:10,093 --> 00:57:12,845 Audrey? Audrey. 856 00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,347 Have you grown? 857 00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:17,850 ELLEN: Are you all right? -l feel fine. 858 00:57:18,017 --> 00:57:19,768 What happened? How did you get here? 859 00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:23,147 Well, these two nice lndians and a man on a camel called a tow truck. 860 00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:25,649 -Daddy's back. -A camel? 861 00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,193 A camel. Hey, kids, are you thirsty? 862 00:57:28,361 --> 00:57:31,447 -Yeah, I bet you are, too. -You said it. 863 00:57:33,783 --> 00:57:35,701 [HORN HONKlNG] 864 00:57:51,092 --> 00:57:54,386 Okay. What do l owe you? 865 00:57:54,637 --> 00:57:57,973 Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. 866 00:57:58,141 --> 00:58:01,059 You must have got manure for your brains. 867 00:58:01,227 --> 00:58:03,854 Yes, well, l'm from out of town. 868 00:58:04,022 --> 00:58:05,731 What's the bill? 869 00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,691 [CHUCKLES] 870 00:58:10,236 --> 00:58:11,612 Come on, come on. How much? 871 00:58:11,779 --> 00:58:13,071 How much you got? 872 00:58:13,239 --> 00:58:15,699 No, I'm asking how much the repairs are. 873 00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,911 And l'm asking you, how much you got? 874 00:58:20,538 --> 00:58:22,289 You're out of your mind. 875 00:58:22,749 --> 00:58:25,125 I don't have time to play around. How much is it? 876 00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:27,878 All of it, boy. 877 00:58:29,464 --> 00:58:31,465 What does your sheriff think of your business practices? 878 00:58:31,633 --> 00:58:33,342 [LAUGHlNG] 879 00:58:54,155 --> 00:58:56,949 Audrey, honey, how much babysitting money do you have? 880 00:58:57,116 --> 00:58:59,284 -How come? -How much? 881 00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:00,536 What's the matter? 882 00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:05,207 Nothing. I just spent $500 on four bald tires and a tow. 883 00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:06,750 How much do you have, Audrey? 884 00:59:08,253 --> 00:59:11,046 -Thirty-five. -She has $40, Dad. 885 00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,924 How would you know unless you went in my purse, you sneak? 886 00:59:14,092 --> 00:59:16,593 Have you been going through her private property? 887 00:59:16,761 --> 00:59:19,137 I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. 888 00:59:19,305 --> 00:59:20,973 We need money. 889 00:59:21,975 --> 00:59:23,934 Edna, how much do you have? 890 00:59:24,102 --> 00:59:25,811 She's asleep, Clark. 891 00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,730 Russ, wanna look through Edna's purse? 892 00:59:28,898 --> 00:59:30,691 Clark. 893 00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:37,656 CLARK: Unzip it, Russ. 894 00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:44,288 RUSTY: She has 1 1 cents, Dad. -Terrific. 895 00:59:44,455 --> 00:59:46,999 ELLEN: The motel will cash your check. 896 00:59:47,166 --> 00:59:49,126 They better. We're gonna run out of gas. 897 00:59:53,881 --> 00:59:57,634 I'm sorry, sir. I can't accept this credit card. 898 00:59:57,802 --> 01:00:00,846 -Why not? -The computer says it's been reported lost. 899 01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:05,350 Oh, no. You see, my wife lost her cards in Colorado and l had to report it. 900 01:00:05,518 --> 01:00:08,353 The computer is probably saying I lost mine, which I haven't. 901 01:00:08,521 --> 01:00:11,607 Well, you'll have to straighten that out with your bank. 902 01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:15,068 -Would you take a personal check? -For how much? 903 01:00:15,236 --> 01:00:17,779 -Three-hundred dollars. -l can't do that, sir. 904 01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:20,532 I've lost all my cash. We're on our way to California. 905 01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:23,910 -Walley World? -Yeah. Walley World. 906 01:00:24,078 --> 01:00:26,788 And l'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. 907 01:00:26,956 --> 01:00:31,043 -You know, l'd really appreciate it. -Not without a major credit card. 908 01:00:33,504 --> 01:00:36,048 I have $6.1 3 to my name... 909 01:00:36,215 --> 01:00:38,884 ...so l can see we're gonna have to work something out. 910 01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:41,303 I've already told you I can't accept a check... 911 01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:43,096 ...without a major credit card. 912 01:00:43,264 --> 01:00:45,307 I'm making this out for $1 ,000. 913 01:00:45,475 --> 01:00:50,228 All you have to do is give me $300 in cash, and keep $700... 914 01:00:50,396 --> 01:00:53,899 ...all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep. 915 01:00:55,234 --> 01:00:56,735 The only thing I can do... 916 01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,863 ...is have you stay here until the check clears. 917 01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:02,491 Ten working days. 918 01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:32,229 Okay, let's go, come on. Ha-ha. Where is Edna? 919 01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:34,815 -She's in the car. -Good. Come on, get in the car. 920 01:01:34,982 --> 01:01:37,984 Don't you want to look at the Grand Canyon? 921 01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:41,488 Great, let's go. 922 01:01:51,499 --> 01:01:53,542 Rusty, up and at them. 923 01:01:54,585 --> 01:01:55,836 What? 924 01:01:56,003 --> 01:01:58,755 Crack open those sandwiches I got at the gas station. 925 01:01:58,923 --> 01:02:02,259 I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich from a gas station. Ha-ha-ha. 926 01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:05,137 There's one for everyone. 927 01:02:05,304 --> 01:02:09,266 Audrey, wake up Aunt Edna. It's time for her to eat and take her pill. 928 01:02:09,434 --> 01:02:11,935 Please, get off me. 929 01:02:12,103 --> 01:02:14,396 Mom, tell Audrey to quit pushing Aunt Edna on me. 930 01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:16,857 I'm sick of her lying on me all the time. 931 01:02:17,316 --> 01:02:19,317 Be quiet. 932 01:02:19,819 --> 01:02:22,946 -Auntie? -Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix. 933 01:02:23,114 --> 01:02:26,032 -Let her be, she's fine. -She's not fine. 934 01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,410 CLARK: She's fine. Don't be silly. 935 01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:31,037 She's not fine, Clark. 936 01:02:31,205 --> 01:02:32,414 She's dead. 937 01:02:32,665 --> 01:02:34,332 [TlRES SQUEALING] 938 01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:40,464 [CLARK MUTTERING] 939 01:02:40,631 --> 01:02:42,841 AUDREY: She breathed on me. A dead person breathed on me. 940 01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:45,594 RUSTY: Her hand touched me. She's stiff already. Ugh. 941 01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:50,015 CLARK: Ugh. 942 01:02:57,231 --> 01:02:58,857 Goddamn it, anyway. 943 01:03:08,409 --> 01:03:12,037 She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. 944 01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,916 What are we going to do, Clark? 945 01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:20,712 We could leave her here. The first phone we pass... 946 01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,548 ...we could call your cousin and he could come and get her. 947 01:03:23,716 --> 01:03:25,425 That's the meanest, coldest-- 948 01:03:25,593 --> 01:03:27,803 What do you want me to do, call Federal Express? 949 01:03:27,970 --> 01:03:30,472 We don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? 950 01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:32,015 Please say we don't. 951 01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:34,392 It'd be real easy for Cousin Normie to find her. 952 01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,020 All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards. 953 01:03:37,188 --> 01:03:40,607 Hell. We'll drive her to Cousin Normie's, for Pete's sake. 954 01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:44,402 I just didn't want to get caught up in a funeral, inquests and all that crap. 955 01:03:44,570 --> 01:03:49,866 You are the most self-centered, egotistical, manipulative-- 956 01:03:50,034 --> 01:03:52,410 Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen. 957 01:03:52,578 --> 01:03:54,996 I'm being practical. If we drove straight through... 958 01:03:55,164 --> 01:03:58,208 ...we'd have three days at Walley World at best. Three. 959 01:04:00,795 --> 01:04:03,255 She can't weigh more than 1 00 pounds. 960 01:04:03,506 --> 01:04:06,466 Oh, no. You can't put her up on that roof. 961 01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:07,843 Yes, he can. 962 01:04:08,010 --> 01:04:11,930 You want me to strap her to the hood? What's the difference? She'll be fine. 963 01:04:12,098 --> 01:04:14,599 It's not as if it's going to rain or something. 964 01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:17,769 [THUNDER CRASHlNG] 965 01:04:41,085 --> 01:04:44,838 ELLEN: This is terrible. Ugh. 966 01:04:45,006 --> 01:04:47,424 What a nightmare. 967 01:05:00,897 --> 01:05:02,898 [RlNGlNG DOORBELL] 968 01:05:03,274 --> 01:05:05,650 Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying. 969 01:05:05,818 --> 01:05:08,486 How about if I ask him to play twenty questions? 970 01:05:11,115 --> 01:05:12,616 [RlNGlNG DOORBELL] 971 01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:20,790 -Oh, for Christ's sake, he isn't even home. -Maybe the neighbors know where he is. 972 01:05:20,958 --> 01:05:24,836 -Moron knows we're coming and isn't home. -Normie's always been flighty. 973 01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:27,547 -He's always been a jag-off. -Will you watch your mouth? 974 01:05:27,715 --> 01:05:29,174 There's a note. 975 01:05:30,509 --> 01:05:33,428 "Have gone to Flagstaff. Be back on Monday." 976 01:05:34,055 --> 01:05:35,722 Jeez, what a worm. 977 01:05:54,283 --> 01:05:59,371 ELLEN: Oh-- Darn, it's locked. 978 01:06:03,376 --> 01:06:05,293 Okay, let's go. 979 01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:08,171 We can't leave her on the patio. 980 01:06:09,048 --> 01:06:12,550 You rather l slip her in the night-deposit box at the funeral home? Come on. 981 01:06:12,718 --> 01:06:15,053 It's raining all over her. 982 01:06:15,221 --> 01:06:17,889 She can't catch a cold now, Mom. 983 01:06:18,724 --> 01:06:21,476 Clark, we have to at least say something. 984 01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:24,437 Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads. 985 01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:26,648 Oh, God. 986 01:06:27,858 --> 01:06:30,819 Ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. 987 01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:35,782 Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms and the flock... 988 01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:38,034 ...in thine heavenly area up there. 989 01:06:39,912 --> 01:06:43,832 And Moab he laidest down behind the land of the Canaanites. 990 01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:47,627 And, yea, though the Hindus speak of karma-- 991 01:06:47,795 --> 01:06:49,963 -Clark. -l implore you... 992 01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:52,674 -...give her a break. -Clark. 993 01:06:53,134 --> 01:06:55,135 [SINGlNG] 994 01:06:58,931 --> 01:07:01,766 Clark, this is a serious matter. I'll do it myself. 995 01:07:01,934 --> 01:07:06,146 Honey, l'm not an ordained minister. I'm doing my best, okay? 996 01:07:06,647 --> 01:07:10,275 Lord, we love this woman with all our hearts. 997 01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:13,278 -Let's not overdo it, Mom. -Shut up. 998 01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,905 We know she deserves better than this... 999 01:07:16,073 --> 01:07:20,201 ...but my husband wants his beloved family to get to Walley World... 1000 01:07:20,369 --> 01:07:21,953 ...to have their vacation. 1001 01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:25,081 I hope you understand. Have mercy on his soul. 1002 01:07:25,249 --> 01:07:27,542 Amen. Let's go. Come on. 1003 01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:30,754 I hope you kids have learned something about life and death. 1004 01:07:30,921 --> 01:07:34,090 AUDREY: Yeah. Don't die unless somebody's home. 1005 01:07:35,801 --> 01:07:39,137 Normie will understand when he sees the note we pinned on Edna's sleeve. 1006 01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:43,308 Sure. You left his dead mother tied to a lawn chair in his backyard. 1007 01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:45,560 I'm sure he won't mind. 1008 01:07:45,728 --> 01:07:47,645 Look, it's all over and done with. 1009 01:07:47,813 --> 01:07:51,066 We'll find a place to stay and start fresh in the morning. It's fine. 1010 01:07:51,233 --> 01:07:54,027 I don't want to be in the car anymore. I want to go home. 1011 01:07:54,195 --> 01:07:55,987 I don't want to go to Walley World. 1012 01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:59,866 Clark, under the circumstances, I wouldn't mind if we just went home. 1013 01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:02,744 In retrospect, it seems like a pretty bad idea driving out. 1014 01:08:02,912 --> 01:08:04,954 It's been one disaster after another. 1015 01:08:05,122 --> 01:08:07,999 Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad. 1016 01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:10,335 Maybe we can try it some other time. 1017 01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:14,506 -Walley World's overrated anyway. -What do you think? 1018 01:08:14,673 --> 01:08:16,591 [TlRES SQUEAL 1019 01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:20,345 I think you're all fucked in the head. 1020 01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:24,057 We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. 1021 01:08:24,225 --> 01:08:27,018 Well, l'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. 1022 01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:29,646 It's a quest. lt's a quest for fun. 1023 01:08:30,397 --> 01:08:32,482 I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. 1024 01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,609 We're all gonna have so much fucking fun... 1025 01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,654 ...we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. 1026 01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:41,282 You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah" out of your assholes. 1027 01:08:41,450 --> 01:08:42,575 [LAUGHS] 1028 01:08:42,743 --> 01:08:45,787 I gotta be crazy. l'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. 1029 01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:49,791 Praise Marty Moose. Holy shit. 1030 01:08:50,793 --> 01:08:52,710 Dad, do you want an aspirin or something? 1031 01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:54,712 Don't touch. 1032 01:09:09,270 --> 01:09:11,229 Next time you have one of your outbursts... 1033 01:09:11,397 --> 01:09:14,399 ...l'd appreciate if you'd have some consideration for your kids. 1034 01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:16,818 -What are you talking about? -You don't know? 1035 01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:20,155 All I know is l'm trying to treat my family to a little fun. 1036 01:09:20,322 --> 01:09:22,740 Spare me, Clark. I know your brand of family fun. 1037 01:09:22,908 --> 01:09:26,119 Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonald's... 1038 01:09:26,287 --> 01:09:30,540 ...and drive us a thousand miles out of the way to see the world's largest ball of mud. 1039 01:09:30,708 --> 01:09:33,001 You know what your problem is, Ellen? 1040 01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:38,131 You have a knack for looking at the dark side of things. That's your problem. 1041 01:09:39,466 --> 01:09:41,885 You wouldn't know a good time if it bit you. 1042 01:09:42,052 --> 01:09:44,929 -Where are you going? -What do you care? 1043 01:09:50,102 --> 01:09:51,644 [PIANO PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSIC] 1044 01:09:51,812 --> 01:09:53,813 [PEOPLE CHATTERlNG] 1045 01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,630 [INAUDIBLE DlALOGUE] 1046 01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:18,398 Waiting for someone? 1047 01:11:19,233 --> 01:11:22,568 No. Ahem. Do you mind if l sit down? 1048 01:11:22,736 --> 01:11:24,070 [CHUCKLES] 1049 01:11:24,405 --> 01:11:26,322 Fancy seeing you here. 1050 01:11:26,865 --> 01:11:29,659 Having a nice little family vacation? 1051 01:11:32,246 --> 01:11:34,789 [CHUCKLlNG] Oh. No. 1052 01:11:34,957 --> 01:11:37,792 It would appear so, wouldn't it? No, no. 1053 01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:41,587 No, the truth of it is, and this is highly confidential... 1054 01:11:42,047 --> 01:11:44,132 ...l own this motel. 1055 01:11:45,134 --> 01:11:49,137 Own the whole chain, nationwide. Twenty-two hundred units. 1056 01:11:50,347 --> 01:11:53,933 Yeah, once a year, I travel across the country, incognito. 1057 01:11:54,101 --> 01:11:56,644 Check things out, and see how the operation is running. 1058 01:11:56,812 --> 01:11:59,355 I thought you were gonna say you worked for the CIA. 1059 01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:01,524 [LAUGHS] 1060 01:12:02,192 --> 01:12:04,819 -That's an old bit, huh? -Really. 1061 01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:07,864 Oh, no. No, l'm not with the ClA. 1062 01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:10,908 I was, but that was a long time ago. 1063 01:12:11,076 --> 01:12:13,661 I don't like to talk about it, really. 1064 01:12:14,038 --> 01:12:17,290 No, I'm mostly interested in my motels now. 1065 01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:20,168 -And my airline. -That's great. 1066 01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:22,587 I'm just trying to have a little fun. 1067 01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:24,922 It's too bad you're married. 1068 01:12:25,090 --> 01:12:27,050 I'm in the mood for some fun. 1069 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,177 Married? 1070 01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:31,929 Oh, you mean those people l'm with? 1071 01:12:32,097 --> 01:12:34,182 That's my brother's family. 1072 01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:35,850 My brother's ring. 1073 01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:39,854 I usually borrow them on these little inspection tours of mine. 1074 01:12:40,606 --> 01:12:44,650 It sort of helps to complete the disguise. It's fun for them. 1075 01:12:44,818 --> 01:12:48,154 It's a good disguise. I like the station-wagon effect. 1076 01:12:48,322 --> 01:12:51,366 Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it. 1077 01:12:51,533 --> 01:12:56,579 You know, in order to be convincing, you have to look and act like an ordinary jerk. 1078 01:12:58,374 --> 01:13:02,627 You know, stop at all the stupid sites and look like a fool. 1079 01:13:03,253 --> 01:13:05,546 Basically, be yourself? 1080 01:13:05,714 --> 01:13:07,298 Yeah. 1081 01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,926 You like the disguise? 1082 01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:18,309 CLARK: Yeah, my credo is, if you have to have a credo... 1083 01:13:18,477 --> 01:13:21,187 ...you know, "Go for it," pretty much. 1084 01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:25,691 You only go around this crazy merry-go-round once. You know? 1085 01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:28,528 -l agree. -Yeah. 1086 01:13:31,281 --> 01:13:33,199 [INHALES SHARPLY] 1087 01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:35,618 Yeah, that's my credo. 1088 01:13:39,331 --> 01:13:42,250 You don't have to have a credo, but.... 1089 01:13:42,418 --> 01:13:43,709 If the fur fits, wear it. 1090 01:13:43,877 --> 01:13:47,380 A penny saved, pennies from heaven. 1091 01:13:47,548 --> 01:13:51,300 My favorite credo, oh, ha-ha... 1092 01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:58,433 ...um, you know, a penny saved, and.... 1093 01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:00,101 Thank you. 1094 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:01,853 WATER SPLASHlNG] 1095 01:14:04,565 --> 01:14:07,024 Wow. This feels great. 1096 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:10,736 Well... 1097 01:14:10,904 --> 01:14:12,864 ...are you gonna go for it? 1098 01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,283 Uh-- Here? 1099 01:14:15,451 --> 01:14:17,410 For starters, sure. 1100 01:14:17,578 --> 01:14:20,580 Why not? Don't you swim? 1101 01:14:20,747 --> 01:14:22,540 Oh, sure. Ha-ha. 1102 01:14:22,708 --> 01:14:27,795 Sure, l took third in the state finals in my senior year. 1103 01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:30,756 Yeah, l swim. Heck, yes. 1104 01:14:30,924 --> 01:14:34,177 Oh, yeah, I feel completely at ease in the water. 1105 01:14:34,344 --> 01:14:36,721 Yeah, l.... 1106 01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:38,848 I'm proficient in many strokes and l dive. 1107 01:14:39,016 --> 01:14:41,976 As a matter of fact, I could've been in the Olympics. 1108 01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:47,106 Yeah, uh.... Yeah, l'll be right there. 1109 01:14:47,816 --> 01:14:49,275 Yeah. 1110 01:14:50,402 --> 01:14:53,321 This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy. 1111 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:55,323 [EXHALES] 1112 01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:57,700 -How's the water? -Exhilarating. 1113 01:14:58,785 --> 01:15:01,954 I'm in deep, I'm in deep. 1114 01:15:06,126 --> 01:15:07,960 Ah! Cold! 1115 01:15:08,128 --> 01:15:11,172 Jesus. Fuck. Ah! 1116 01:15:11,882 --> 01:15:13,424 Clark? 1117 01:15:13,592 --> 01:15:14,842 CLARK: Cold! 1118 01:15:15,802 --> 01:15:17,386 Jesus! Ah! 1119 01:15:25,395 --> 01:15:27,063 Clark? 1120 01:15:27,648 --> 01:15:30,149 -Hi, honey. -What are you doing? 1121 01:15:30,317 --> 01:15:31,484 Uh-- Swimming. 1122 01:15:31,652 --> 01:15:34,946 Yeah, my back was killing me. 1123 01:15:35,113 --> 01:15:38,991 I thought, you know, a good hot swim would loosen up the muscles. 1124 01:15:39,159 --> 01:15:42,286 Why go to the car and get the bathing suit? Jump right in. 1125 01:15:42,996 --> 01:15:44,830 It's exhilarating. 1126 01:15:44,998 --> 01:15:49,043 Guess what, honey? This person here was here. 1127 01:15:49,461 --> 01:15:51,587 I didn't see this person... 1128 01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:55,299 ...so l screamed, that's why l yelled. I was so surprised. 1129 01:15:55,467 --> 01:15:57,969 You can imagine, can't you, honey? 1130 01:16:01,932 --> 01:16:02,974 Honey? 1131 01:16:03,141 --> 01:16:04,350 [DOOR CLOSES] 1132 01:16:13,819 --> 01:16:15,194 Uh.... 1133 01:16:16,154 --> 01:16:17,989 Will you excuse me? 1134 01:16:18,156 --> 01:16:19,365 If you have to go. 1135 01:16:20,784 --> 01:16:23,578 Well, l'd stay if l weren't married, but I am. 1136 01:16:23,745 --> 01:16:25,329 I know. 1137 01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:30,334 -l hope l didn't spoil your evening. -No, it's been interesting. 1138 01:16:31,211 --> 01:16:33,170 Well, enjoy the rest of your trip. 1139 01:16:33,338 --> 01:16:34,964 You, too. 1140 01:16:38,844 --> 01:16:40,845 [ALL CHATTERING] 1141 01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:46,017 I can't believe this. 1142 01:16:46,768 --> 01:16:50,229 I am so humiliated. 1143 01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:54,358 Cut it out, Audrey. You don't even know how to inhale. 1144 01:16:54,526 --> 01:16:55,985 So? 1145 01:16:56,153 --> 01:16:58,279 Maybe I don't want to. 1146 01:16:58,447 --> 01:17:00,823 You're such a dork, Audrey. 1147 01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:04,493 How can he do this to Mom? 1148 01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:07,246 They'll probably get a divorce. 1149 01:17:07,414 --> 01:17:08,914 I'd better go talk to him. 1150 01:17:13,795 --> 01:17:15,880 -Hey, squirt. -Hey, Dad. 1151 01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:17,131 What are you doing up? 1152 01:17:18,383 --> 01:17:20,259 You woke the whole motel up, Dad. 1153 01:17:21,762 --> 01:17:23,137 Oh. Ha-ha-ha. 1154 01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:25,014 I was swimming. 1155 01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:26,432 Yeah, l saw you. 1156 01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:30,394 Russ, come here a minute. 1157 01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:33,105 [SIGHS] 1158 01:17:33,273 --> 01:17:34,440 Russ... 1159 01:17:34,608 --> 01:17:37,485 ...you know l wouldn't do anything to hurt your mom. 1160 01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:41,405 It's been a long drive... 1161 01:17:42,407 --> 01:17:43,741 ...and, jeez, I work.... 1162 01:17:43,909 --> 01:17:48,079 I work very hard for you and Audrey and your mom. 1163 01:17:50,499 --> 01:17:54,669 I guess when you get older you get these feelings... 1164 01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:59,548 ...and these feelings make you do things you wouldn't normally do. 1165 01:18:00,008 --> 01:18:03,511 -Like swimming naked with girls? -Yeah. Like swimming naked with girls. 1166 01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:06,430 Well, not with girls. You think I was swimming with girls? 1167 01:18:06,598 --> 01:18:09,558 It was just one girl. l saw that girl. 1168 01:18:09,726 --> 01:18:10,976 Who, that girl? 1169 01:18:11,144 --> 01:18:13,938 Oh, no, that's a waitress. No, I was just ordering in. 1170 01:18:14,106 --> 01:18:16,774 She's a pool waitress. l was... 1171 01:18:16,942 --> 01:18:20,361 ...ordering some fish for you and Audrey and Mom. 1172 01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:23,948 -She took your order? -She took my order, yeah. Ha-ha. 1173 01:18:24,116 --> 01:18:26,158 Swimming waitress. 1174 01:18:26,326 --> 01:18:27,952 You understand, don't you, Russ? 1175 01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,122 Sure, l understand. 1176 01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:33,541 Do you think Mom will buy it? 1177 01:18:35,627 --> 01:18:37,586 Good talk, son. 1178 01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,589 Go to bed, Russ. 1179 01:18:40,966 --> 01:18:42,466 Goodnight. 1180 01:18:46,513 --> 01:18:53,144 Ellen? 1181 01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:54,937 Honey? 1182 01:18:57,399 --> 01:18:59,024 Are you mad? 1183 01:18:59,901 --> 01:19:01,652 No. 1184 01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:05,322 Do you like that girl? 1185 01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,159 Is that what you want? 1186 01:19:08,326 --> 01:19:11,537 Oh, no. No, no, no. 1187 01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:13,956 How could I like a girl like that? 1188 01:19:14,124 --> 01:19:16,000 She's ugly. 1189 01:19:16,877 --> 01:19:18,669 I love you. 1190 01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:24,049 I'm sorry about evetything. 1191 01:19:24,217 --> 01:19:26,510 I got angry because you were right and l knew it. 1192 01:19:26,678 --> 01:19:28,512 I was hurt, honey. 1193 01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:31,599 I'm sorry, too. lt's not all your fault. 1194 01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:33,559 I know you've been trying. 1195 01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:36,020 I'm gonna try, too. 1196 01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:39,857 I know how to have fun. 1197 01:19:40,692 --> 01:19:42,526 And l'm going to prove it. 1198 01:19:43,278 --> 01:19:45,988 -Come on. Come on. Come on. -Ellen? What are we doing? 1199 01:19:46,156 --> 01:19:48,532 Honey, you don't have to prove anything to me. 1200 01:19:48,700 --> 01:19:52,328 Come on, Clark. I want us to have some fun together. 1201 01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:56,373 -Come on. -The water's very-- 1202 01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:58,959 ELLEN: Fuck! Aah! 1203 01:20:04,007 --> 01:20:05,049 Ooh! 1204 01:20:05,926 --> 01:20:12,681 Aah! 1205 01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:32,159 CLARK: We must be getting close. 1206 01:20:32,327 --> 01:20:34,745 We're almost there. Everybody just take it easy. 1207 01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:38,374 Just take it easy. We're gonna be there. 1208 01:20:40,752 --> 01:20:44,547 I know we're getting close. What is that? What is that? 1209 01:20:44,714 --> 01:20:46,131 There it is. 1210 01:20:46,299 --> 01:20:47,800 Walley World, next three exits. 1211 01:20:47,968 --> 01:20:51,136 -Dad! Whoa! -Walley World! 1212 01:20:52,472 --> 01:20:54,932 We made it, damn it. We made it. 1213 01:20:55,934 --> 01:20:59,186 The Griswolds are one hell of a family, huh? We made it! 1214 01:20:59,437 --> 01:21:01,438 [FAMlLY CHATTERING] 1215 01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:05,401 Don't get too much sun, now. Watch out. Watch out. 1216 01:21:09,239 --> 01:21:10,531 Oh. 1217 01:21:10,699 --> 01:21:12,449 It's beautiful. 1218 01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:15,244 It's just beautiful. 1219 01:21:16,288 --> 01:21:18,706 Oh, darling. 1220 01:21:20,709 --> 01:21:25,796 -We made it. -You did it, Clark. Sparky. 1221 01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,465 I love you guys. l love. l love. 1222 01:21:42,105 --> 01:21:44,732 CLARK: Aah. First ones here. First ones here. 1223 01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:49,695 First ones here. 1224 01:21:49,863 --> 01:21:52,156 ELLEN: But we're so far away, Clark. 1225 01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:55,659 Right, right. And at the end of the day, when the lot's all full... 1226 01:21:55,827 --> 01:21:59,455 ...and everybody's fighting to get out, we'll be the first ones out, too. 1227 01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:05,169 Why? Because we're the Griswolds. 1228 01:22:05,670 --> 01:22:07,171 [BOTH LAUGH] 1229 01:22:07,339 --> 01:22:09,173 Come on, l'll race you. 1230 01:23:19,911 --> 01:23:22,454 MARTY [ON RECORDlNG]: Sorry, folks. We're closed for two weeks... 1231 01:23:22,622 --> 01:23:27,084 ...to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry. 1232 01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:28,919 [MARTY CHUCKLES] 1233 01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:30,379 [CHUCKLES] 1234 01:23:32,132 --> 01:23:33,340 [DlSTORTED VOlCE] Sorry, folks. We're closed.... 1235 01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:35,467 Clark. What are you doing? 1236 01:23:35,635 --> 01:23:37,678 We watch his program. 1237 01:23:37,846 --> 01:23:40,931 We buy his toys. We go to his movies. He owes us. 1238 01:23:41,099 --> 01:23:42,975 Doesn't he owe us, huh? 1239 01:23:43,143 --> 01:23:44,768 He owes the Griswolds, right? 1240 01:23:44,936 --> 01:23:46,603 Fucking A right, he owes us. 1241 01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:49,523 -Clark, you're scaring me. -Don't be scared. 1242 01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:52,568 I just think somebody owes us an explanation, that's all. 1243 01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:56,989 -Come on. Come on, come on. -Clark, now just a minute. 1244 01:24:02,162 --> 01:24:03,746 [TlRES SCREECHING] 1245 01:24:03,913 --> 01:24:04,955 [ENGINE BACKFIRES] 1246 01:24:16,051 --> 01:24:18,552 Honey, you wanna check the mileage for me, please? 1247 01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:21,346 ELLEN: Where are you going? -l'll be right back. 1248 01:24:21,514 --> 01:24:23,474 I'm just gonna get some sporting goods. 1249 01:24:23,641 --> 01:24:25,476 [HORNS HONKING] 1250 01:24:25,643 --> 01:24:27,603 CLARK: Thank you, thank you. 1251 01:24:35,487 --> 01:24:37,446 ELLEN: Clark, will you listen to me? 1252 01:24:37,614 --> 01:24:40,824 Let's just find a hotel. I'll call my parents, they'll wire us money. 1253 01:24:40,992 --> 01:24:43,494 We can fly home and forget this vacation ever happened. 1254 01:24:43,661 --> 01:24:47,164 Honey, relax. l told you l'm not angry anymore. l'm in complete control. 1255 01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:50,167 I'm sure they're not repairing every ride at the same time. 1256 01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,253 I think they owe us a little explanation and a little fun, okay? 1257 01:24:53,421 --> 01:24:56,507 Whatever happens, just trust me. Will you just trust me? Huh, kids? 1258 01:25:02,472 --> 01:25:06,141 Sorry, folks, park's closed. The moose out front should have told you. 1259 01:25:06,309 --> 01:25:09,812 -Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley. -What is your name, sir? 1260 01:25:09,979 --> 01:25:12,106 Clark W. Griswold. 1261 01:25:14,692 --> 01:25:16,318 What's this regarding, Mr. Gristle? 1262 01:25:16,486 --> 01:25:19,905 We're here, public relations-- Summer inspection. 1263 01:25:20,073 --> 01:25:22,324 -Personal matter. lnspection. -Ah. 1264 01:25:25,703 --> 01:25:29,873 Well, nobody notified this office of anything. 1265 01:25:30,041 --> 01:25:32,251 Well, l'm notifying you. 1266 01:25:32,418 --> 01:25:34,545 I'm afraid I'm gonna need more than that, sir. 1267 01:25:34,712 --> 01:25:36,547 Okey-dokey. How's this? 1268 01:25:36,714 --> 01:25:38,173 WHlMPERS] 1269 01:25:38,341 --> 01:25:41,677 Clark, have you lost your mind? Where did you get that? 1270 01:25:41,845 --> 01:25:44,138 Sporting goods store. You listen to me, fat ass. 1271 01:25:44,305 --> 01:25:46,557 Do what I say and there won't be any problem, okay? 1272 01:25:46,724 --> 01:25:51,061 We just drove 2460 miles, just for a little Roy Walley entertainment. 1273 01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:53,397 The moose says you're closed. I say you're open. 1274 01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:56,024 We're not really violent people. 1275 01:25:56,192 --> 01:25:58,026 This is our first gun. 1276 01:25:58,194 --> 01:26:00,070 CLARK: No, it isn't. 1277 01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:03,615 -What's going on here? -You. Freeze. Freeze. 1278 01:26:03,783 --> 01:26:06,493 Sit! Sit, come on. 1279 01:26:06,661 --> 01:26:09,371 Lie down. Let's go, lie down. 1280 01:26:10,415 --> 01:26:11,874 Roll over. 1281 01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:13,834 Stay. 1282 01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:19,590 Okay. Okay. Let's ride. Let's ride. Come on. 1283 01:26:19,757 --> 01:26:21,258 Stay. 1284 01:26:24,888 --> 01:26:28,098 Yee-hoo. This is scary, isn't it? 1285 01:26:28,266 --> 01:26:31,435 Make sure you keep your hands on the handlebars at all times. 1286 01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:34,646 -We don't want any accidents. -ls that a real gun, Mom? 1287 01:26:34,814 --> 01:26:38,400 I don't know, Rusty. But when this is all over... 1288 01:26:38,568 --> 01:26:41,195 ...your father may be going away for a little while. 1289 01:26:41,362 --> 01:26:44,948 Boy, l sure am bushed. Have you had enough yet, sir? 1290 01:26:45,116 --> 01:26:46,992 What do you mean, bushed? 1291 01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:48,952 Where are the big rides? The big ones? 1292 01:26:54,751 --> 01:26:57,211 Screamie Mimi! Let's go. Get in the front. 1293 01:26:57,378 --> 01:26:58,795 Come on. 1294 01:26:59,547 --> 01:27:00,797 Huh? 1295 01:27:02,884 --> 01:27:05,385 Has your father ever killed anyone before? 1296 01:27:05,553 --> 01:27:08,347 Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna. 1297 01:27:08,514 --> 01:27:11,850 -Hey. You can't prove that, Rusty. -Ooh. 1298 01:27:13,853 --> 01:27:16,480 Rusty? May l call you Rusty? 1299 01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:19,399 I had a bad experience on this ride once before. 1300 01:27:19,567 --> 01:27:20,984 What happened? 1301 01:27:21,152 --> 01:27:22,236 I threw up. 1302 01:27:28,326 --> 01:27:30,327 WHlMPERlNG] 1303 01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:39,920 No, don't do that again. 1304 01:27:51,015 --> 01:28:38,020 [SCREAMlNG] 1305 01:28:49,615 --> 01:28:51,616 [CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY 1306 01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:20,729 Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop-D-Loop. Come on, get in there. Let's go. 1307 01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,106 -Please, don't push. -Come on, Audrey. 1308 01:29:23,274 --> 01:29:25,359 Isn't this fun, honey? Come on. 1309 01:29:27,403 --> 01:29:29,821 That's not a real gun, is it, Clark? 1310 01:29:29,989 --> 01:29:32,074 What? Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I. 1311 01:29:32,241 --> 01:29:33,825 It's a BB gun. 1312 01:29:33,993 --> 01:29:36,119 Don't try me. I could put an eye out with this. 1313 01:29:36,287 --> 01:29:39,790 -You couldn't break the skin with that. -lt could. lt could break the skin. 1314 01:29:39,957 --> 01:29:42,542 It could lodge under the skin and cause a bad infection. 1315 01:29:42,710 --> 01:29:46,129 -That's an old wives' tale, Clark. I'm telling. -You're not going-- 1316 01:29:46,297 --> 01:29:48,465 -Ooh! -Clark. 1317 01:29:48,633 --> 01:29:50,300 See, l told you. l warned you. 1318 01:29:50,468 --> 01:29:52,803 If you wrecked these pants, you're paying for them. 1319 01:29:52,970 --> 01:29:55,847 Yeah, l'll pay for them. You'll pay for them. 1320 01:29:56,557 --> 01:29:59,142 LASKY: Why did you shoot me? CLARK: lt's a BB gun. l told you. 1321 01:29:59,310 --> 01:30:00,936 LASKY: Well it hurt. -What do you want? 1322 01:30:01,104 --> 01:30:03,105 -Why'd you shoot me? -You tried to run away. 1323 01:30:03,272 --> 01:30:05,399 LASKY: l wasn't going anywhere. CLARK: l thought you were. 1324 01:30:05,566 --> 01:30:06,900 RUSTY: This is great, Dad! 1325 01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:12,239 [SCREAMlNG] 1326 01:30:27,004 --> 01:30:28,964 [CLARK LAUGHING] 1327 01:30:40,476 --> 01:30:42,477 -Whoa. -Ow! 1328 01:30:43,604 --> 01:30:45,147 [ALL SCREAMING] 1329 01:31:02,623 --> 01:31:04,624 [CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY] 1330 01:31:08,212 --> 01:31:09,504 Freeze! 1331 01:31:13,134 --> 01:31:14,384 Don't shoot. 1332 01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:17,053 MAN: You, out. 1333 01:31:17,221 --> 01:31:20,056 All right, hands behind your heads. 1334 01:31:20,224 --> 01:31:22,267 Spread your legs apart. 1335 01:31:22,435 --> 01:31:25,687 And up against the wall. You two, over there. 1336 01:31:28,858 --> 01:31:31,651 -Just a BB gun. -You're all under arrest. 1337 01:31:31,819 --> 01:31:33,904 You have the right to remain silent. 1338 01:31:34,071 --> 01:31:37,616 -lf you give up the right to remain silent-- -Watch your hands, mister. 1339 01:31:37,783 --> 01:31:39,743 --in a court of law. 1340 01:31:44,207 --> 01:31:47,501 How many are there? A lot of them? What, five? What, are they Arabs? 1341 01:31:47,668 --> 01:31:49,961 Whatever they want, pay them. We'll pay them. 1342 01:31:50,129 --> 01:31:52,255 -What's going on? -We've got it under control. 1343 01:31:52,423 --> 01:31:54,090 -These people are terrorists. -Where? 1344 01:31:54,258 --> 01:31:55,467 -There. -Them? 1345 01:31:55,635 --> 01:31:58,386 LASKY: Hello, Mr. Walley. -He treated me like a dog, Mr. Walley. 1346 01:31:58,554 --> 01:32:01,473 -He humiliated my human decency! -What did he do with your dog? 1347 01:32:01,641 --> 01:32:04,601 He kidnapped me, but l wanna tell you, I had a great time. 1348 01:32:04,769 --> 01:32:08,480 It's the most fantastic time l ever had. I like where I was way up high-- 1349 01:32:08,648 --> 01:32:10,982 I'm glad you liked it. Now, what's happening? 1350 01:32:11,150 --> 01:32:12,776 -That's Roy Walley, honey. ELLEN: I know! 1351 01:32:12,944 --> 01:32:14,778 Mr. Walley, my name is Russ Lasky. 1352 01:32:14,946 --> 01:32:17,781 -l met you at the summer picnic last year. -l don't remember. 1353 01:32:17,949 --> 01:32:20,367 -They kidnapped my men. -l was the one who was sick. 1354 01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:23,620 Anyway, I went on all the rides, and l didn't get sick this time. 1355 01:32:23,788 --> 01:32:26,540 -Normally, l get sick on all your rides-- -Quiet! 1356 01:32:28,459 --> 01:32:32,212 Uh-- Mr. Walley? Roy? 1357 01:32:32,713 --> 01:32:35,215 I think I can make some sense out of this. 1358 01:32:35,383 --> 01:32:37,634 Well, somebody better explain... 1359 01:32:37,802 --> 01:32:40,470 ...or there'll be a lot of explaining to do. 1360 01:32:40,638 --> 01:32:43,431 -l'm Clark W. Griswold. -Uh-huh. 1361 01:32:43,599 --> 01:32:46,226 And, oh, this is my wife, Ellen. 1362 01:32:46,394 --> 01:32:50,272 Hi. We're really big fans of yours. We watch your show all the time. 1363 01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:53,108 -Oh. -And my children, Audrey and Rusty. 1364 01:32:53,985 --> 01:32:56,069 ROY: Nice family. -Heh-heh. 1365 01:32:56,237 --> 01:32:57,571 CLARK: Uh.... 1366 01:32:58,155 --> 01:33:01,908 -We're from Chicago, Roy. The Windy City. -Yes, I've been there many times. 1367 01:33:02,076 --> 01:33:07,163 We just spent two weeks of living hell driving out here. 1368 01:33:07,665 --> 01:33:10,625 We lost a very dear member of the family along the way. 1369 01:33:12,837 --> 01:33:14,337 But the important thing, Roy... 1370 01:33:14,505 --> 01:33:17,549 ...is that we could've gone anywhere we wanted to this summer. 1371 01:33:17,717 --> 01:33:19,301 Anywhere in the world. 1372 01:33:19,468 --> 01:33:21,261 But when l asked my kids.... 1373 01:33:21,429 --> 01:33:25,849 And l said-- Kids, remember when I said, "Where would you like to go this summer?" 1374 01:33:26,017 --> 01:33:27,851 -What did you say? -Hawaii? 1375 01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:30,353 Shut up, Russ. Audrey, you remember? 1376 01:33:30,813 --> 01:33:33,023 Uh-- Walley World, Dad? 1377 01:33:33,190 --> 01:33:36,693 Walley World, Dad. Roy Walley World. 1378 01:33:37,069 --> 01:33:38,862 I don't imagine you have any children. 1379 01:33:39,030 --> 01:33:41,072 Are you kidding? l have seven. 1380 01:33:41,240 --> 01:33:43,742 I thought so. Seven, did you hear that, honey? 1381 01:33:44,327 --> 01:33:46,036 You look so young. 1382 01:33:46,579 --> 01:33:48,788 -You do look very young. -Oh? Well. 1383 01:33:48,956 --> 01:33:50,790 Did you ever drive them across country? 1384 01:33:50,958 --> 01:33:52,167 Oh, hell yes. 1385 01:33:52,335 --> 01:33:56,671 I took the whole clan to Florida one year. The worst two weeks l ever had in my life. 1386 01:33:56,839 --> 01:33:59,799 The smell from the back seat was unbearable. You know families. 1387 01:33:59,967 --> 01:34:02,552 I know that smell. l know that smell. 1388 01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:06,973 But, Roy, can you imagine how your kids would've felt... 1389 01:34:07,141 --> 01:34:09,225 ...if when you got to Florida, it was closed? 1390 01:34:09,393 --> 01:34:10,769 Oh, they don't close Florida. 1391 01:34:10,936 --> 01:34:14,981 I know they don't close the state of Florida. But, you know... 1392 01:34:15,149 --> 01:34:17,567 ...when we got here, to Roy Walley World... 1393 01:34:17,735 --> 01:34:19,903 ...and it was closed down, Roy.... 1394 01:34:20,071 --> 01:34:22,447 If you had seen the look on my kids' faces.... 1395 01:34:22,615 --> 01:34:25,909 -l just went a little haywire. -You went a lot haywire, if you ask me. 1396 01:34:26,077 --> 01:34:28,912 Well, l'm very sorry, sir. And l'm sorry to all these people. 1397 01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:31,289 I didn't mean any harm. 1398 01:34:31,457 --> 01:34:35,043 I just want you to ask yourself one thing. If you were.... 1399 01:34:35,586 --> 01:34:36,878 If you were me... 1400 01:34:37,046 --> 01:34:39,839 ...wouldn't you do the same thing for your children? 1401 01:34:40,007 --> 01:34:42,342 -No. MAN: We're all finished here, Mr. Walley. 1402 01:34:42,510 --> 01:34:45,136 You want me to take them downtown and book them? 1403 01:34:45,388 --> 01:34:46,930 Um.... 1404 01:34:48,933 --> 01:34:50,475 No. No. 1405 01:34:50,643 --> 01:34:53,061 Forget it, officer. I'm not gonna press any charges. 1406 01:34:53,229 --> 01:34:55,313 [YELLS] 1407 01:34:57,608 --> 01:35:01,111 Walley. Good, huh? What did l tell you? Did I say trust me? 1408 01:35:01,278 --> 01:35:02,946 Huh? Ha-ha-ha. 1409 01:35:04,323 --> 01:35:06,324 [ALL SCREAMING] 1410 01:38:13,220 --> 01:38:15,221 [ENGLISH SDH]